i'm not a zen master and i don't think marilyn manson is either but one of his lyrics seems to apply here.
"this is what you should feel, you are what you should feel"
maybe take the word "should" out to make it a little more zen.
the definition of awareness would be so boring if we could ever put it into words but our reactions to reality can range from incredible boredom to terror to rage to total ecstasy to peace or sometimes no reaction (even just sitting on your ass staring at a wall).
i'm just starting to sit again myself, i gave it up once i met some pretty intense fear along the path. it sounds like you're doing fine to me. experiencing your doubt and your questions and frustrations is all part of it.